Thank you to family, friends, and wonderful friends of friends, for coming to our exhibit opening last Friday! I had a great time being with you, and I hope you had fun too!

My lightboxes are the works behind two friends hugging each other. I had a great time working on my pieces, now I can’t wait to get obsessed over a new idea with its set of challenging questions.

Since I was so busy finishing my works for the exhibit, I failed to inform a lot of my friends about the date and venue of the show’s opening. To those whom I missed, please accept my sincerest apologies. Really sorry about that.

Thanks to Ate Tweet for writing the lovely introduction to our exhibit.

***

In Between

A momentary pause. A blurred line. A gray area. A middle ground.

The place between here and there. The moment between now and later. The point between right and wrong, black and white. The space between a life being lived and a life that is yet to be lived.

Welcome to the state of in between-ness.

Unsettling to many by its very ambiguity, by its refusal to be defined.

Does it connect or does it separate? Is it the opposite of clarity–or the necessary condition for it? Is it the point of potential, the place where anything—or nothing–can happen?

Could it, in fact, be the place where truth resides?

Three artists explore this third state, the state between two defined states, where everything is and isn’t–and make it theirs.

In PHANTOM MOMENTS, Nikki Abaya captures the vagueness of things, the unknown, the forever mysterious, the “unnoticed variable between the idea and the action.”

In BECOMING, Dang Sering mines the place between her internal and external realities, the life that that is lived out there in the world and the life that is nurtured in the imagination.

In WATERFALLS & FALSE HOPES, Mimi Tecson revisits old aspirations and secret dreams, remembering “wanted passions in unwanted circumstances.”

IN BETWEEN invites us to make peace with the ambiguous. To trust in what is mysterious. To dance in the dark. And to make a home in the place of not knowing.

Tweet Sering

***

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions”

- Rainer Marie Rilke

I was in UP today to attend the 3rd session of a Basic Scriptwriting workshop at the UP Film Institute. Classes are held at the Videotheque part of the building, the area facing Quezon Hall. Today, we started past 1pm and was supposed to end at 4pm, but class was interesting and we extended until 6pm.

On my way out and walking towards a waiting shed across Quezon Hall, I bumped into an old friend while he was with some artists (some I knew from UP) for a weekend longboarding hang-out. I chatted with him for a few minutes and asked how he was doing with his art and exhibits. Glad to know that he’s busy with group shows until the end of the year. It was really getting dark now, so we said our goodbyes.

I decided to catch a cab in front of the Bahay ng Alumni, so I had to walk back from in front of the College of Music and then walk on the road between the Music Building and UP Theater. There were still a lot of people jogging and walking alone, in pairs or in groups. Some cyclists were sitting on their bikes, having a conversation and probably waiting for a decision on where to go next.

I realized I missed hanging out in UP, walking around and enjoying the place. Sometimes my friends and I would go all the way here from Katipunan to take our evening walks. I used to live inside the campus for 4 years. This place really became  home to me.

Walking back guided by yellow lights from streetlamps on the road between the College of Music and UP Theater, I saw a guy (most likely a student) playing an interesting looking musical instrument at the side of the Music building. With only a wire fence between me and him, I stayed for some minutes to listen to him practice. He was playing an Erhu, a Chinese fiddle. After a short break from playing, I asked if I could take his picture because it seemed like a rare occurrence and he gamely said yes.

I really had a great day today, so I walked away feeling light with music surrounding the cool October night.

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?… Just friends.

Sally Albright: I thought you didn’t believe men and women could be friends.

Harry Burns: When did I say that?

Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that… Yes, that’s right, they can’t be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can…

This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted… That doesn’t work either, because what happens then is, the person you’re involved with can’t understand why you need to be friends with the person you’re just friends with.

Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say “No, no, no it’s not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,” the person you’re involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you’re just friends with, which you probably are.

I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let’s face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can’t be friends.

Quotes from the 1989 movie, “When Harry Met Sally”

(screenshot from the movie where Meg Ryan fakes her orgasm at a diner)

***

I love this movie. Every New Year’s Eve in our old house along Nancy St., my sisters and I sit in front of the TV, glued to RPN 9 as they played this yearly tradition. It has all the ingredients of a wonderful movie about love and relationships – it’s set in New York, it has great conversations, jazz music in the background, and happy endings. It explores “the rules” in dating and love, and then pulls the rug from under you.

***

In the past weeks, we’ve been having discussions in the office on how men and women think when it comes to relationships. It’s quite interesting really, because there are insights that I have learned from my friends. Some points I find valid, others absurd. Sometimes, I wish I can give advice…but I don’t know, it depends on the context or the situation.

I even asked my older sister her opinion on how guys should act around girls they want to date. Here is great advice, “Quit the stylistics.” No need for trying to be someone you’re not. Women are all for guys who are comfortable being themselves. Self-awareness is sexy.

So, if you really really like someone, just go for it! And maybe it’s fine to ask friends from time to time if you’re doing OK – and not making a complete fool of yourself ofcourse.

I took this photo early this year. This is on the road that cuts through Tarlac or Pangasinan. I remember looking at the moon, and to me it seemed like it was watching us until we were out of sight.  It may seem a bit eerie, but riding on the back seat of the car with a long road ahead of home, it kept me still and calm.

For this Baguio trip with other members of our clan,  my younger sister flew in from Boracay to join us for the long weekend. We all had the best time ever. My cousins and I went out to a jazz bar named Overtones. The band playing that night was amazing! After that, we walked around Session Road looking for a midnight snack. I think we ended up in Volante (?), this sort of 24-hour pizza place.

I will always love Baguio. I have a lot of amazing memories there.

***

With news of Baguio and other places in northern Luzon submerged because of the recent typhoon, please please, I hope that more people survive and are carried out to safety. People can only take so much pain. I pray that spirits are not broken.

***

Here is a poem by Mary Oliver that I’ve been meaning to post for a long time. Nothing feels as great as knowing yourself and being true to that.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

by Mary Oliver

Exactly one month from now, my younger sister and I traveled to Thailand and Cambodia during her Habagat leave from work in Boracay. My brother and his girlfriend joined us for the trip, therefore completing the four of us as a fun and crazy group.

I’ve already been to Cambodia in February this year. Last time I was there I traveled with my friends and boyfriend from work (and play). While we were there, there was something that I wasn’t able to do in Angkor Wat – climb Ta Keo.

Ta Keo is this temple that requires you to conquer a steep climb. I wasn’t too confident back then, so during my second trip to Cambodia I was determined to, well, conquer that fear of heights. My siblings were toughies! They weren’t scared at all. When a young European guy saw me debating with myself whether to climb or not, he just nonchalantly said, “Oh don’t be scared, be brave.” And then he skipped his way up the very steep steps. (I wonder, do Europeans always have this fearless spirit?) Emboldened by the very tall dude and his effortless way of getting to the top, I struggled to begin my ascent. It was a slow crawl to the top, but hey, I made it there eventually! Yey!

I would love to return to Siem Reap. Angkor Wat is amazing, hanging around Pub Street, walking around town, and meeting such wonderful people along the way. I’m glad I was again able to visit Cambodia, this time with another amazing set of fellow travelers. Never mind the scam bus trip from Bangkok to Siem Reap that took forever, I had great fun!

our time is made short
love ripens, then falls away
like cherry blossoms

d. s., 2009

(above is a screenshot from the movie, “5cm Per Second”)

***

We watched a japanese anime movie last week entitled “5cm Per Second”. The film consists of 3 segments, all beautifully drawn and colored. From its wikipedia entry, it explains that the movie’s title comes from “the speed at which the cherry blossom petals fall, petals being a metaphorical representation of humans, reminiscent of the slowness of life and how people often start together but slowly drift into their separate ways”.

A friend of my boyfriend, an American living in Japan, was here for the week to visit the Philippines. While we were watching the movie, she noted the fascination of cherry blossoms in Japanese culture. Interestingly, she said that the cherry blossoms ripen in a week to 2 weeks, then all  the flowers fall from the trees like snow. Locals and tourists come out at this time of the year to stay under the trees and experience this surreal and beautiful event. She added that as much as they celebrate the short span of time these flowers bloom, they too mark its sweet passing.

After watching the movie, it again reminded me that our time is short and things will continue to remain uncertain. There may be nagging questions about the future, but I guess it is always best that we continue to remain mindful and expressive of our love. Cheesy, I know.

I wish I can be in Japan next summer and experience this phenomenon myself. I would really love to be there. I want to see the flowers in full bloom and wait for them to fall on me like pink snow. That would be really amazing.

Apologies for being away from the wordpress page for so long. I’ve been busy with a lot of things. Finally, at least, I’m able to find the time to write about wonderful things that have happened so far.

First up, out of intense curiosity, I took a class on self-exploration managed by four wonderful Jungian psychologists. I’ve been reading the book “Women Who Run with the Wolves” by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (also a Jungian psychologist) and have been mesmerized by the use of myths and folktales as a form of initiation into the unconscious (pertaining to the lives of women). Throughout my life, stories have made a huge impact; stories inspire as much as they heal. Then serendipity sends a text message and I jump in to take the 4-day workshop.

During the workshop, we took self-exploration tests, told each other fragments of our life stories, drew and colored mandalas, and listened to stories from Greek mythology. What fascinated me were the stories. Maybe because of the gifted storyteller? The characters seemed so alive, real, and breathing beside me. The archetypes fit into the people I live with.

Did I learn more about myself? Of course. Jungian psychology places a strong emphasis on the inner world. There were a couple of aha! moments, lots of “that’s why, now I know…”. I also learned more about the people who surround me and how, at this point in time, we unconsciously play out our archetypal roles. These are  roles that we fit into because of influences in society, family, and other relationships. Hopefully, I learn to become more aware of  the things that I do and feel, and transcend the limits of archetypes to discover what I am truly made of. After that brief workshop, it’s nice to see the world revealed in a different way.

Next up! I’m so happy that “Provenciana” by Apol Lejano-Massebieau is now out! A book launch was organized in Paris last month and sana I was there! The book is just the funniest ever! Apol is just such a funny and talented writer…and that’s still an understatement. I’ve been a long time fan of her blog that chronicles her new life and adventures in the South of France. I’m really so happy that she loved the book cover that I designed for her. My friend, Bernice, did an amazing job designing the inside pages and filling the book with lovely illustrations. Wonderful and such an inspiring project to work on – Merci beaucoup, Apol!

And finally, I did some illustrations  for the new Spark Hope board at Starbucks. I’m glad the 5-piece set came out well – well, on my part. I just love it when I get to work on watercolor textures, line drawings, etc. Exciting rin to see how they’ll go together with the photographs once working on them in the computer. I’m glad that the baristas at Katipunan like them. If they’re happy, I’m happy.

Yey, now I can’t wait to work on new stuff for two exhibits in November!

Collecting poems along the way…

And sharing a beautiful song by Billy Bragg, from his album “Mr. Love and Justice”.

I Keep Faith

If you want to make the weather
Then you have to take the blame
If sometimes dark clouds fill the sky
And it starts to rain, and folks complain
And though your head may tell you
To run and hide
Listen to your heart, and you’ll find me
Right by your side
Because…

I keep faith, I keep faith
I keep faith, I keep faith in you
Yes I do, I keep faith in you

If you think you have the answer
Don’t be surprised
If what you say is met with anger
And contempt and lies
No matter how hard you want to
Just walk away
Reach out you’ll find me there beside you
All of the way
Because…

I keep faith, I keep faith
I keep faith, I keep faith in you
Yes I do, I keep faith in you

All the dreams we shared
I never knew no one who cared
About these things the way that I’ve seen in you
It doesn’t matter if
This all falls off the cliff
Together we are gonna see it through

I know it takes a mess of courage
To go against the grain
You have to make great sacrifice for such little gain
And so much pain
And if your plans come to nothing
Washed out in the rain
Let me rekindle all your hopes
And help you start again
Because….

I keep faith, I keep faith
I keep faith, I keep faith in you
Yes I do, I keep faith in you

(Interior) Tolentino Hall, UP Fine Arts Diliman. January 2009.

Early January of this year, I dropped by the College of Fine Arts to have my canvas prepared for an exhibit. Sprawled around the college grounds beside the Painting classrooms, were the huge colorful constructions that were paraded at last month’s Lantern Parade. Some maintenance guys that I knew  were dismantling them, breaking their wooden bones.

At that time of the year, the students haven’t returned from their Christmas break, and so the atmosphere at the college was quite and empty. Too quite and empty, memories rushed in to make some noise. I had one of the best times in this place.

***

Every time summer comes, I get nervous. In April, the College of Fine Arts begins its drawing workshops. And most of the time, I’m pretty sure the people enrolled there will be taking the Talent Test.  In 1999, I took that same workshop and most of us, well except 2 or 3 in a class of 20 or more, were going to take that test. I had a wonderful teacher and it was she who taught me how to draw better. I didn’t pass the UPCAT, so this was my lifeline to the college of my dreams. I swear, it was UP Fine Arts or out of school youth.

Well, I didn’t pass on my first try, which really really sucked. I think I made my parents really nervous when I didn’t want to go to another university because I felt that the shortest way of getting into FA was to just focus on my drawings. So we made a deal, if I don’t pass it the second time, I move on and enroll at the university that accepted me.

To keep me busy for a year, I did some independent studying – the most fun that I could think of. I bought a thick history book, National Geographic magazines, and read the newspapers everyday. I took another drawing class to refine what I learned. I also got myself a book that taught me the value of writing daily and showing up on the blank page for morning pages, and having artist dates with myself in galleries and coffee shops.

Although I had fun, it was also very lonely. I was at home most of the time with my older sister, mostly keeping to ourselves as we worked on our own stories or drawings. Sometimes, I didn’t feel like doing anything and just lie in bed all day. Merienda time, we’d take a break and hangout together to talk about what we’ve done, our concepts, our ideas, this and that guy, showbiz chismis, and a lot of other interesting topics.

At an exhibit in Glorietta, I met an artist who asked me what I wanted to pursue. I said I liked writing and painting, but that I really wanted to paint. He gave me the worst advice ever, “Why don’t you become a writer? There are already so many painters. We need people to write about art.” And then hands me a postcard invite to one of his exhibits. I couldn’t believe he said that. The world will never have enough of painters – or whatever kind of artist they want to be: musicians, directors, etc.

When April rolled in the next year, I took the Talent Test again and got accepted. For days, I slept with a smile on my face.  I know not everyone who wanted to be in that year passed. I’ve seen a lot of them cry when they didn’t see their names on that list. I hope they try again, and again if they have to.

When I finally met my classmates (some of them became my greatest friends), I learned that some of us shared the same stories. For us, there was no other way to live but to pursue our bliss.

Over the rooftops a plane in the sky
Beat of a bass drum cars passing me by
Under a bridge dark then back into light
A river of raincoats and a forest of faces
Still for a moment then red into green
Slow shuffling shoes whisper sight unseen
Row upon row of houses return an empty stare
Let the daydream for a little while longer

Ah.. yeah…
Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
(yeah) hope I’ll never wake
Cos now Im thinking about you

Two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain
(oh) sing me a rainbow its sunny again
Swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below
Could I (could I) keep dreaming for a little while longer

Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
So that you know – I never want to wake
Cos now Im thinking about you

When you’re searching your soul
When you’re searching for pleasure
How often, pain is all you find
But when you’re coasting along and nobody’s trying too hard
You can turn around and like where you are

(yeah and) I hope I never wake
When I’m thinking about you
And I close my eyes (dear)
Now I’ll never never wake

The Sundays

***

I’m very much looking forward to this weekend trip to Baguio…just to fill a desperate need for a change of scenery from Katipunan’s all too familiar outlines to enjoy the weather and great food from a happy place called Baguio.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written here. By the way, the show was great! Just having family and friends there was enough, plus they liked our stuff and really enjoyed themselves in the vibe of Cubao X.

To all who came, ARIGATO! You really made my day!