Hello Hafiz

It’s a rainbow! Left Butuan City for an afternoon flight back to Manila. January 11, 2012

I have rainbow in my heart too… Naks! Hahaha baduy ko, anyhoo, I’m drinking lots of positive vibes this year. Been a lucky dumpling this early in the year and I hope I just get luckier and constantly plugged to the source of good energy. Everything has been going my way. Thank you lovely Universe!

Let me share my gratitude tonight because in spite of some new beginnings anxiety that I’m going through, I’m surrounded by loving people who got my back. I am thankful for them because I feel a sense of safety and encouragement to be myself. I can be honest and thus free. How wonderful is that? SUPER.

Let me share with you a poem by Hafiz that presently resonates with me. It presents an urgency for us to be authentic and loving people. Hope you like it as much as I do.

If It is Not Too Dark

Go for a walk, if it is not too dark.
Get some fresh air, try to smile.
Say something kind
To a safe-looking stranger, if one happens by.

Always exercise your heart’s knowing.

You might as well attempt something real
Along this path:

Take your spouse or lover into your arms
The way you did when you first met.
Let tenderness pour from your eyes
The way the Sun gazes warmly on the earth.
Play a game with some children.
Extend yourself to a friend.
Sing a few ribald songs to your pets and plants -
Why not let them get drunk and wild!

Let’s toast
every rung that we climbed on Evolution’s ladder.
Whisper, “I love you! I love you!”
To the whole mad world.

Let’s stop reading about God -
we will never understand Him.

Jump to your feet, wave your fists,
Threaten and warn the whole universe

That your heart can no longer live
Without real love!

Hafiz

First Love

“Build from White”, 4.9 x 9 ft., oil on canvas, 2004

During the holidays, I’ve been staring at my college thesis now hanging on the wall of my parents’ living room . That last year in school had been the happiest, because I got to work on something very close to me and my best friends helped me out every step of the way. Lately, I noticed I’ve been jumping out of my skin, wanting to paint with no thought or worry about money for rent, food, telephone bills, and travel expenses. I want to take time out from the world and make art.

I come back to this painting pondering (yet again) on course of my life as the remaining days of 2011 brought me to sit still with myself. It’s this weird roundabout journey at the turn of the new year: you look back as you are about to step forward. Reading past journal entries and beginning-of-the-year plans, the constant headline was taking time out to make art. It would be drawings and paintings for an exhibit, a graphic novel, exhibit proposals with friends, creative experiments, craft projects, etc.

Storytelling is my first love and, oftentimes, my paintings are the containers. If I am to give myself a gift for my 31st birthday this year, it would be this: Two months to make what I have on my personal art projects list without having to worry how I’m ever going to pay the bills. I really want to give this a go. I’m going to make this happen.

How about you? What will you do for your first love?

Create Something Beautiful

A quick sketch of an image in my head at 2am.

Just spent 3 hours since midnight skimming through what seemed like an endless stream of blog posts of people with tattoos. Some designs were pretty, others silly (like…what the fuck were they thinking?!), but a lot of them were inspired and carried a story. Which I find a good thing, because something that’s etched on your skin for a long time (or permanently) should at least be something you can back up.

Advice for the uninitiated: Never drink then holler for an ink. I’ve heard enough of horror stories to have that point ingrained in my head. “Tattoo tayo!” Reply, “Game, tara!” C’mon, I would never ever do that on a whim. But I find that, sometimes, courage rides on the adrenaline rush of impulse.

I’ve always wanted to have a tattoo, but couldn’t bring myself to actually having it done. Because I don’t know what I want on my skin. My younger sister has her tattoo on her left forearm, a Hebrew saying on one of the many names of God. I used to like the Hebrew saying I once picked for myself, although I’ve outgrown it now.

My friend and fellow Aquarian, Gela, kept persuading me every year since our late 20s, that we both get inked on our birthdays. A few weeks ago, she tried to convince me once again about seriously getting a tattoo when we turn 31 next year. Woah, we’re turning 3-1. Need to try on new adventures – and several of them abound waiting for me to claim those tickets. Oh man, I’m so excited!

Anyway, back to our subject of tattoos. As I was looking around for some inspiration, I couldn’t really find something that I felt was meant for me. I thought I gravitated to the image of the sacred heart, but it carried a meaning of suffering or martyrdom for me. There is this sad burning that makes it too heavy for me.

Then there was the illustration of a wise woman / Persephone and pomegranate fruit that I found in my sketchbooks, but I think I needed to shake off a bit of that darkness. I embrace the necessary darkness that occupies our existence, but I needed to soak myself in sunshine. I’m a sunflower-loving kind of girl who loves to make people smile. I needed a marriage of these ideas; a dance of illumination and enigma.

In the meantime, let this be the design proposal for myself. A few months ago, I wrote a draft of a short story about an air-spirit and a water-spirit that upon a chance meeting, and followed by mutual curiosity, needed to seek each other. Every encounter bore new experiences and a tangible evidence of connection. I read it out loud to Dan one evening in his apartment, and he loved it.

Until I finally finish that story, this is my visual interpretation of it: a bird that flies to limitless heights, and a fish that swims to limitless depths. A reminder is wrapped around the mythical creature, Create Beauty or Create Something Beautiful. I added the sun, heart and moon icons to the folds of the ribbon. The imagination knows no bounderies, so is our capacity to truly love the world and offer our gifts as co-creators.

According to Anais Nin, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”  The tattoo design can wait until the heart lays claim on it. The siren song of adventure beckons once more and I’ll continue to be moved by it.

Kindred

I was having a conversation with Dan yesterday, and by some chance, I mentioned a girl with a name that I really liked, Kindred. At that instant that I mentioned her name, Dan and I suddenly started dreaming up of characterizations, story plots and themes. When we were sharing our ideas, it reached a point na nagka-inisan kami and had a competition on who had a better story. Ahehe, I cannot wait to sit down and write mine! I’m feverish with excitement!

I think this is the first time I ever came across a name that would inspire stories. Kindred can be a name for a guy or girl, plus there is some sense of courage or bigger mission attached to the name. Well, it seems that way to me. It seems fit for a hero on the verge of an adventure. I already know what she looks like. Gah, so excited!

There are a couple short stories that I’ve written in the past years now, and yet, they don’t seem to feel whole or ripe. The settings in my stories have always been similar and the main character seems to be an awkward guest, as if they were sitting in until the real actor arrives. Which I find odd, because I always start with the main character and then everything else follows. But now, it seems as if what I’ve been doing has been creating the conditions and context, in preparation of the hero’s arrival. And I feel I finally found her.

***

Wow, August has finally said her goodbye. And just like that, I feel so much lighter, with a load off my chest. The past month was like a little bugnutin girl dragging her feet around the house because she got the undesired (but necessary) chores. A lot of work was done: reassessments, reflections and tasks for moving on. Tough work on the personal (inner) side of things, but the end proves its worthiness.

September, and all the BER months that come with it, is a refreshing welcome for the tired soul I carry. It probably feels like a first dip in the ocean. A lovely and unexpected gift from a friend. Or a giggly wide smile from a cutie pie baby – meant just for me.

I will hold on to this feeling a little longer.

Hello world, here’s to more stories and inspired days ahead!

Writing About Love Tonight

Lots of stuff about love popping up on my twitter and Facebook news feed lately.

My senses were probably heightened like a google search on the love topic when a writer sent some questions for an interview about me and my boyfriend being creative collaborators. We’ve never been really asked that, but always felt like a duo ever since we got together 8 years ago. It came as a nice surprise and I’m thankful someone saw us that way, even when for a minute, we forgot how we felt about our own creative chemistry.

A question was asked on how being creative can benefit a relationship. I think I answered that creativity helps you solve the plateaus that fill the landscapes of long term relationships. Creativity in a way that is not exclusive to those who have to be “creative” to earn a living, but what is present in all of us who are constantly finding a solution to move things forward, to jumpstart something, to light that fire again.

People wonder how we’ve managed to stay this long together. There have been impassioned fights in contrast to boring afternoons; but we also have impromptu flights out of our comfort zones and days where we could not stop talking about things that excite us. I realized that a relationship’s strength is only equal to the courage of the individuals who maintain it. After a big argument, we kick pride out of the way to say sorry before we go to bed. When someone does something wonderful, we are very generous with our praises. You cannot help but be the best cheerleader in the room.

Dan and I have changed so much since we were in our early 20s, and man, we’ve got a lot of stuff learned along the way. Here are a few things though that come to mind: the ability to make your partner laugh (very important!), kindness, gratitude, and fearlessness to go for your dreams (a big turn on and inspiration to your lovey).

There have been a few times when that EXIT sign flashed before our eyes but there was always something that held us together. It seemed so much harder to quit, and it always felt like such a stupid idea anyway. I mean, what were we thinking?! I love hanging out with this person. Everyday.

Having worked together in a design company for almost five years, I love that when I go to the office he’s the person who opens the door for me to give me a hug and a kiss. I enjoy crafting words that make his images sing.

Here’s a trick that I learned from a friend: when things aren’t working out for both of you (or you feel it’s just you who’s caught in a drama), always remember the beginning. Why’d you get together in the first place? How was the feeling like? Always remember the beginning.

Eight years ago, Dan and I had our first conversation alone at the backseat of a taxi bound for Shell Canvass Kamias. We had just dropped someone off at a store in Katipunan and we were on our way to buy something from Shell Canvass for an event at the college. At the backseat of the taxi, we talked about our interests and stuff we wanted to pursue after college. I remember noticing the soft afternoon light streaming from the back window stopping to rest on the nape of his neck. (He has lovely soft curls.) That afternoon, I was enjoying myself wrapped up in a wonderful conversation with a very interesting boy.

Up until today, the fascination never ends.

Baguio

Close to dusk, taken from the balcony of BenCab’s museum in Baguio, November 2010

For the past months, visiting Baguio has been the best upper for me (no pun intended and no voodoo smoke for this girl). It really uplifts and validates me as a creative person. How does a city love me like that?

Since I visited Baguio as a lost student on the edge and a few months to go before undergraduate thesis, I have come to recognize it as a place where I can be so comfortable in my own skin and trust that the muse will meet me at a cafe or on the street. When the UP campus or my usual work spaces feel empty, I can trust that Baguio will fill me up. And during that last semester, it was the best decision ever made: dragging my boyfriend to hang out with me and talk ART (the oh so big academic ART) in Baguio. I’m lucky too though that this boy loves the idea of spontaneous trips and cafe-hopping.

After college, I forgot about all the art stuff and moved out of academic art-making and into the real world of getting paid for your what you’ve contributed to the organizations and close to fulfilling your passions. But not too close though, but tried to imitate.

After a few years and in a rather roundabout way, I’m slowly dipping my toes back into my creative/artistic practice. The big reunion for me was the art residency in Baguio last November 2010. It was a homecoming to one of my favorite cities and I returned with another purpose: to create works and to share my knowledge to the art school volunteers tasked under my care. The experience was  so wonderful, I had such an amazing time in the company of new friends and fellow artists.

I also met a lot of fascinating people who talked about Baguio as their spiritual/creative home, moving from Manila or another province to carve a place for themselves there. There was once a story about a well-loved writer who can only churn out her best stories in Baguio, and I feel it must be the same for the new friends I’ve met.

I feel lucky and thankful that I get to do again, my ART (oh yeah my personal work!) and put myself out there, oftentimes without a safety net. But that’s where the real adventure begins and creative growth takes place. I pray all the time that I have the courage and fearlessness to go about and do my work without the grip of the ego taking over. There is still much to learn, much to do. And I never let myself forget that.

There is a light that never goes out and that’s my gratitude to Baguio.

Everyday We Play

Today I’m celebrating my 50th post!

I know it may seem premature, plus that I’ve been delinquent with my own 365 project, but hey, I get excited by little gestures of encouragement such as celebrating my 50th post at Revel with a Cause. So yehey to me!

I set out to do the project to encourage myself to grow and nurture my creative life. Sure I get to do creative stuff like write and design for my company, and exhibit my artworks every year. But I needed to create a space where I can make mistakes, explore materials that aren’t necessarily needed for client work or at an exhibit where the outputs are ready for scrutiny. Sometimes there is immense pressure to produce top work (which I agree is a wonderful challenge), but sometimes I just want to step away from the computer and create stuff with my hands using materials I’ve used in college or those that I have yet to explore. And in their spontaneous and beautiful mess, ready to just post them in the blog. From these beginnings with the materials and techniques, I decide what to further explore and what needs refining.

The haiku portion was meant to enhance the images. At the same time, I enjoy crafting words. I’ve been writing poetry since grade school, but have been reserved for my eyes only, haha. One day I’d love to stand on stage and read some of my poems. When I’ve polished some of my stuff and gathered the courage to face an audience, I’ll read at a weekly poetry event at a cafe nearby. That’s one thing I’d definitely want to do soon.

In line of celebrations, I’m also celebrating the wonderful 365 projects of Rose’s Beat Bits, cheers to her wonderful music selections and  soundbites; Ienne’s Satori 365, learning the Japanese language through her beautiful photography; and Gela’s The Hagaki Project, continuing to share with us her interesting and surreal illustrations. Dan’s Status&Shapes, gotta to get back in shape! At the same time, hooked on Den’s witty storytelling of her (mis)adventures!

“If we did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”  -Thomas Edison

To my wonderful and beautiful friends, thank you so much for inspiring me with your passions! Here’s to more days of fun!

Time and Place

“What the Tree Gave”, 12x10in. mixed media lightboxes for the Art Hour Exhibit in Subic; In the apartment, white frames waiting to be filled with photographs, drawings, and paintings

It’s been such a long time since I last wrote here. My last entry was in late January, bursting with great plans for the year and the daily commitment that I set up for myself in Revel for a Cause blog. I’m still on with my plans (the exhibit in the 3rd quarter with Gela), and I’ve floundered a bit with my 365…but slowly regaining some balance to really stick to it. Still, managing my time to do it, i.e. motivating myself why it was important for me to do it in the first place.

After weeks of posting on my Revel blog, I noticed my confidence soared when I had to work on “What the Tree Gave” for the Art Hour exhibit for Earth Hour in Subic last March. I didn’t have the usual jitters, the cryfest of self-doubt, or the paralysis by analysis mode. I had less than 3 months to work on the lightboxes, found the perfect tree (which I spotted one day while walking around UP), and knew exactly what to draw on the photographs. Like some divine intervention, I sort of knew what I needed to do.

Fortunately, I realized I have been working on my style for some time now. I have been able to use lightboxes in a past exhibit, so I made sure the finish was better, specified acrylic sheets; printed my photographs in black and white; and confidently splashed on some paints and drawings. I tried creating in color for this exhibit to try out someone’s suggestion. In the end, it did look pretty and she was right.

I guess the best feeling of all was being in the zone, doing your work happily and with the certainty of the outcome and openness to the surprise. The second best feeling was having to see it mounted on the wall of the exhibit. Cheers to opportunities to show your art!

I’m currently working on my art folio site. I’ve been gathering photographs from my past exhibits and writing some notes to go with the images for a better understanding of the ideas/concepts behind the works. Excited to finally put my stuff out there and make it more accessible to others. Hooray for the web!

Another project that has finally seen the sweet victory ribbon of the finish line is my apartment! I share my place with a friend and we’ve been decorating it for almost a year…truly a work in progress, haha. But the icing on the cake are the art-directed frames (we even painted them white) on the white wall. All we need to do now is to put photographs, drawings, paintings – anything we find pretty and that makes us happy. I can’t  believe that the plans we’ve made for the apartment have finally come true. It feels great to accomplish these things, plus from work it’s great to arrive to a pretty and cozy home – away from home.

A certain time/life management guru, not the ZenHabits guy though, wrote that no matter how many techniques or tools we have to manage our time, the most important part is to really care for what you are doing. And then you will find the time to do it – no matter what. For the past 2 months, I took the time to work on what mattered and that felt really really great.

Now back to my 365.

And Off We Go!

Finally, I’ve begun Revel with a Cause! Woohoo, for all 365 days!

Ever since I read the article on HOW Magazine about designers & artists who gave themselves a challenging task of creating their own “daily deadlines”, I was hooked   and intrigued with the idea. Hey, I wanted to try out something like that too! So I wondered, what’s my own daily thingamajig? Let the brainstorming commence!

I was thinking of probably a painting a day (too much work at this point), but liked stringing words as well. A daily drawing? Photos? I definitely wanted to write a haiku everyday since it permits that freedom to write about anything, within a 5-7-5-syllable-a-line format. There is also something fresh about a haiku, because traditionally the writing grounds you with the world (outer as well as inner) in its emphasis on the seasons.

About the images, so far anything goes. Let’s see what comes up in the following days.

As for other title studies, thank god “Daily Strokes” didn’t make the cut. Although it makes sense, there’s also something about it that’s stressful, hehe. Another was “Artku” for art and haiku, but my siblings gave it a thumbs down. So geez.

It would have been significant to have my first post on my birthday last Saturday, but I had to set it aside. I just had to make time, enjoy, and truly soak in my lovely weekend.

And so, here it is! Wish me lots of love and luck! This girl will be needing it. Arigato!

Best Day

I had the most wonderful day today, because I got everything that I wanted.

I woke up to a nice sunny day, had lunch with Dan (my favorite person in the world) at Chocolate Kiss in UP (best place in the world), then we walked across the campus to check out exhibits and had coffee at the Vargas Museum,  met-up with friends and siblings to chat about the creative writing process at 3pm in Xocolat, then finally dinner at home with family and cousins visiting from the US.

I got lovely greetings from friends I haven’t seen in a long time (thank you Facebook!), received thoughtful gifts, and given wonderful letters from my favorite people in the world.

I love how my life is unfolding, and I love how I have wonderful people in my life who see me for who I am. I am filled with so much happiness, it makes my heart dance. How’s that for a 29th birthday? It feels really good.

***

At our creative meet-up in Xocolat (a dessert and chocolate drinks place), I prepared folded cards with various quotes from writers for inspiration for everyone. Here’s what I picked for myself:

“Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.” – Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese-American writer, poet & artist

Nice one! I love it!